Cultural barriers for domestic violence survivors are a serious issue affecting many individuals in Canada. While laws and resources exist to protect and support survivors, cultural norms and beliefs can create significant barriers. These barriers can prevent people from recognizing abuse and seeking help. Understanding and addressing these cultural barriers is essential to ensure that all survivors receive the support they need.

The Influence of Cultural Norms

Cultural norms significantly influence beliefs, values, and behaviours within communities. In Canada, a multicultural society, these norms can vary widely among different cultural groups. For example, some cultures emphasize family honour and privacy, leading to a reluctance to report domestic violence. Survivors may fear bringing shame to their family or community and may avoid seeking help due to these concerns.

The Main Cultural Barriers for Domestic Violence Survivors

Gender Roles and Expectations

Traditional gender roles are deeply ingrained in some cultures. In many communities, women are expected to be submissive and obedient to their husbands. This belief can make it difficult for women to recognize abuse as it might be seen as a normal part of marriage. These gender roles can also discourage women from seeking help, as they may believe they are supposed to endure the abuse.

Language Barriers

Language barriers are a significant issue for many domestic violence survivors in Canada. Immigrants and refugees who do not speak English or French fluently may struggle to access resources or communicate their needs. This can lead to isolation and make it harder for survivors to find the support they need.

Fear of Deportation

Immigrants and refugees in Canada may fear deportation if they report domestic violence. Abusers often exploit this fear, using a victim’s immigration status as a tool of control. Survivors may worry that seeking help will lead to their deportation or separation from their children. This fear can prevent them from reaching out to law enforcement or other support services.

Stigma and Shame

In many cultures, there is a significant stigma attached to being a victim of domestic violence. Survivors may feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit they are being abused. This stigma can be compounded by cultural beliefs that prioritize family unity over individual well-being. As a result, victims may stay silent to protect their family’s reputation.

Lack of Awareness

In some communities, there may be a lack of awareness about what constitutes domestic violence. Cultural beliefs might normalize certain abusive behaviours, making it difficult for victims to recognize that they are being abused. Education and outreach are crucial in these communities to help individuals understand their rights and identify abuse.

Religious Beliefs

Religious beliefs can also play a role in how domestic violence is perceived and addressed. In some cases, religious teachings may be interpreted in ways that justify or excuse abusive behaviour. Survivors may feel pressure to stay in an abusive relationship due to religious expectations about marriage and divorce.

Navigating Cultural Barriers for Domestic Violence Survivors

To effectively support domestic violence survivors, it is essential to understand and navigate these cultural barriers. Here are some strategies:

Culturally Sensitive Support Services

Support services should be culturally sensitive and aware of the specific challenges faced by different communities. In Canada, this includes providing multilingual resources and staff who understand the cultural context of the survivors they are helping. Organizations such as the Canadian Women’s Foundation and ShelterSafe offer culturally sensitive resources and support for domestic violence survivors.

Community Outreach and Education

Education is key to breaking down cultural barriers. Community outreach programs can raise awareness about domestic violence and provide information about available resources. This can help change harmful cultural norms and empower survivors to seek help. Organizations like the Ending Violence Association of Canada work to educate communities and promote awareness of domestic violence.

Collaboration with Community Leaders

Engaging with community leaders can be an effective way to address cultural barriers. Leaders who are respected within their communities can help spread awareness and advocate for survivors. Their support can also help reduce stigma and encourage more victims to come forward. In Canada, community-based organizations often collaborate with cultural and religious leaders to reach out to diverse communities.

Legal Protections and Policies

Canada has strong legal protections for domestic violence survivors. Governments and organizations should work to ensure that these protections are accessible to all survivors, regardless of their cultural background or immigration status. This includes providing safe reporting mechanisms and ensuring that survivors are not at risk of deportation when they seek help. The Immigration and Refugee Protection Act includes provisions to protect survivors of domestic violence.

Safe and Confidential Reporting

Creating safe and confidential ways for survivors to report abuse is crucial. This can include anonymous hotlines, online reporting tools, and discreet support services that protect the survivor’s privacy. Organizations like Assaulted Women’s Helpline provide confidential support to survivors across Canada.

Empowering Survivors

Empowering survivors involves providing them with the resources and support they need to rebuild their lives. This includes access to legal assistance, counselling, housing, and financial support. Empowering survivors also means respecting their cultural background and providing support that aligns with their values and beliefs. Programs like the Ontario Domestic Assault Risk Assessment help ensure that survivors receive comprehensive support.

Changing the Cultural Barriers for Domestic Violence

Cultural barriers for domestic violence can significantly impact its recognition. By understanding these barriers and implementing strategies to navigate them, we can better support survivors and work towards ending domestic violence in Canada. It is essential to create an environment where all survivors feel safe and empowered to seek help, regardless of their cultural background.

Addressing the cultural barriers for domestic violence requires a collective effort from individuals, communities, and organizations. By working together, we can break down cultural barriers and provide the support that survivors need to heal and thrive.

Find a Shelter

Shelters can help you in many ways other than just welcoming you for a time. They can also contact you with multiple other institutions and resources that will help you stay safe. From resources, help groups, directing you to food banks and other government programs. Domestic violence shelters are here to help you.

At Stepping Stones Crisis Society, you can always find help if you are considering leaving an abusive household in Northern Alberta, particularly in the Cold Lake and Bonnyville areas. You can reach our helpline at 780-594-3353 or contact us at ou******@St*******************.ca. We offer an emergency residential shelter for women, with or without their children, and their family pets (dog or cat).

If you find this article useful or want to support our cause, please donate here. Every dollar counts and our clients will greatly appreciate it.

The post Cultural Barriers for Domestic Violence Survivors appeared first on Stepping Stones Crisis Society.

Navigating the family court as a survivor of domestic violence can be daunting. In Alberta, there are specific laws and resources to help you through this challenging process. This comprehensive guide provides an in-depth overview of the steps involved in family court, with a focus on ensuring your safety and well-being.

We are not legal experts, but we are domestic violence experts. If you have any questions about any of these legal terms, please contact your family lawyer or any of the publicly available legal supports.

Understanding Family Law in Alberta

In Alberta, two main pieces of legislation govern family law: the Divorce Act and the Family Law Act.

The Divorce Act

Applies to married couples seeking a divorce. It includes provisions on family violence, defining it broadly to cover physical, emotional, and financial abuse, as well as coercive and controlling behaviour. Understanding the scope of family violence as defined by the Divorce Act is crucial for survivors seeking legal recourse.

Federal Jurisdiction and Scope

• The Divorce Act is a federal statute that applies uniformly across Canada. It governs divorce proceedings and related issues, including child custody, access, and support.
• One of the significant amendments made to the Divorce Act in March 2021 was the explicit recognition of family violence as a critical factor in determining the best interests of the child.

Family Violence Definition

• The 2021 amendments provide a comprehensive definition of family violence, which includes physical abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse, and neglect. This definition also considers the child’s exposure to such behavior.
• The legislation acknowledges that family violence can directly or indirectly affect children, and such exposure must be factored into custody and access decisions.

Best Interests of the Child

• The amended Divorce Act emphasizes that the child’s best interests are the paramount consideration in custody and access disputes. Factors to consider include the child’s physical, emotional, and psychological safety, security, and well-being.
• Courts are mandated to consider any family violence evidence when making decisions about parenting arrangements, ensuring that the child’s exposure to violence is minimized.

Implications for Domestic Violence Survivors

• The amendments aim to provide better protection for domestic violence survivors by ensuring that their safety and the safety of their children are prioritized.
• Survivors can present evidence of family violence in court, which can influence decisions regarding custody and access, potentially leading to arrangements that better protect the survivors and their children.

The Family Law Act

Applies to non-married couples or those not seeking a divorce. This Act focuses more narrowly on physical harm and threats, excluding emotional or financial abuse and coercive control. While this Act offers some protection, survivors must navigate its limitations and seek additional support where needed. 

Provincial Jurisdiction and Scope

• The Family Law Act is a provincial statute specific to Alberta that governs matters such as child custody, access, and support for unmarried couples and other family law issues that do not fall under the Divorce Act.
• This Act is essential for individuals who are not seeking a divorce but still require legal resolutions regarding family matters.

Family Violence Definition

• The Family Law Act defines family violence more narrowly compared to the Divorce Act. It primarily focuses on physical harm or the threat of physical harm, which can limit the recognition of other forms of abuse, such as emotional or financial abuse.
• This narrower definition can create challenges for survivors whose experiences of violence do not involve physical harm but include other forms of abuse that can be equally damaging.

Protection Orders

• The Family Law Act allows for the issuance of Emergency Protection Orders (EPOs) and Queen’s Bench Protection Orders to provide immediate protection to individuals experiencing family violence.
• These orders can include provisions such as no-contact orders, exclusive possession of the family home, and temporary custody arrangements.

Steps to Take Before Entering Family Court

Seek Immediate Safety

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Your safety is paramount. Contact our helpline at 780-594-3353 or any of our resources. We can help you if you are a victim of domestic violence in northern Alberta. We are partners of organizations like the Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters and Women’s Shelters Canada who offer emergency accommodation and assistance if we are not able to.

Gather Documentation

Collect evidence of abuse, including photos, medical records, and any police reports. Documentation strengthens your case and provides tangible evidence of the abuse you have experienced.
Document instances of violence and their impact on you and your children. This information will be vital when presenting your case in court.

Consult with a Family Lawyer

Seek legal advice from a lawyer experienced in domestic violence cases. They can help you understand your rights, assess your legal options, and prepare for court proceedings.
Legal Aid Alberta provides assistance to individuals who cannot afford a lawyer, ensuring access to legal representation for all survivors.

Navigating Custody Battles and Divorce Proceedings

Filing for Protection Orders

Apply for an Emergency Protection Order (EPO) if you are in immediate danger. EPOs provide short-term protection and can be issued without the abuser being present.

For longer-term protection, you can apply for a Queen’s Bench Protection Order. These orders offer more extensive protection and can include provisions for child custody and access arrangements.

Preparing for Custody and Access Decisions

The court’s primary concern is the best interests of the child. Family violence is a significant factor in these decisions, and survivors must provide evidence of abuse and its impact on their ability to co-parent safely.

Alberta’s Parenting After Separation course is mandatory for all parents involved in custody disputes. This course helps parents understand their rights and responsibilities and provides strategies for minimizing conflict.

Addressing Financial Support

Seek child support and spousal support if needed. The court considers family violence when determining support amounts, and recognizing the financial impact of abuse on survivors and their children.

Ensure you have financial documentation ready, including income statements and expenses related to the children. Financial transparency is essential for fair and equitable support arrangements.

Ensuring Your Safety and Well-Being

Courtroom Safety Measures

Inform the court if you fear for your safety during proceedings. The court can implement safety measures such as separate waiting rooms or video conferencing to minimize the risk of further harm.
Request that your address and contact information be kept confidential to protect your privacy from the abuser.

Legal Representation and Support

If your abuser is self-representing, notify the court about potential harassment or intimidation. The court can limit direct cross-examination to protect you from further trauma.
Seek support from domestic violence advocates who can accompany you to court, provide emotional support, and connect you with additional resources.

Post-Court Proceedings

Stay vigilant about enforcement of court orders, especially regarding protection orders and custody arrangements. Report any breaches immediately to the police and your lawyer to ensure your continued safety.

Continue accessing support services for you and your children to address the emotional impact of the legal process and ongoing safety concerns. Counselling and support groups can provide invaluable assistance during this challenging time.

Resources and Support Systems

Shelters and Crisis Services

Alberta shelters offer safe accommodation and comprehensive support services for survivors of domestic violence. Reach out to the Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters for assistance and information about available resources.

Counselling and Support Groups

Counseling services can help you and your children heal from the trauma of domestic violence and navigate the challenges of the legal process. Many non-profit organizations offer free or low-cost counselling services tailored to survivors’ needs.

Legal Aid and Pro Bono Services

Legal Aid Alberta provides legal assistance for survivors who qualify financially, ensuring access to justice for all. Additionally, some organizations offer pro bono legal services specifically for survivors of domestic violence, providing much-needed support during this difficult time.

Legislative Considerations and Reforms

Advocacy groups are pushing for legislative reforms in Alberta’s family law to better protect survivors of domestic violence. Key areas of focus include:

Broadening the definition of family violence in the Family Law Act to include emotional and financial abuse, aligning it with the provisions of the Divorce Act.

Improving communication and information sharing between criminal, family, and child protection courts to ensure a coordinated response to domestic violence cases.

Enhancing training for legal professionals on the dynamics of domestic violence to ensure sensitive handling of cases and appropriate support for survivors throughout the legal process.

Conclusion

Navigating the family court system as a domestic violence survivor requires careful planning, support, and access to resources. By understanding the laws, seeking legal and emotional support, and prioritizing your safety, you can better manage the challenges of custody battles and divorce proceedings. Remember, you are not alone—many resources are available in Alberta to support you through this journey towards safety, healing, and empowerment.

The post Navigating Family Court as a Domestic Violence Survivor appeared first on Stepping Stones Crisis Society.

Domestic violence is a serious issue that affects millions of people worldwide, including teenagers. Adolescence is already a time of significant change and growth, and experiencing domestic violence during this crucial period can have profound and lasting effects on a young person’s well-being. In this blog post, we’ll explore the various ways in which domestic violence impacts teenagers and offer insights into how we can support those who are affected.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence encompasses a range of abusive behaviours that occur within intimate relationships. It can take many forms, including physical, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse.
Examples of domestic violence include hitting, yelling, controlling behaviour, threats, and intimidation.
Domestic violence can occur between spouses, partners, parents, children, and other family members.

The Scope of the Problem

Domestic violence affects people of all ages, genders, and socioeconomic backgrounds.
Statistics show that a significant number of teenagers are exposed to domestic violence in their homes.
According to the Canadian Centre for Justice and Community Safety Statistics, in 2018, approximately 362,000 children and youth aged 0 to 17 years were exposed to family violence in Canada. This includes witnessing or experiencing violence between parents or guardians.

Impact on Teenagers

Physical Effects

Exposure to domestic violence can lead to physical injuries, such as bruises, cuts, and broken bones.
Teenagers who witness violence in the home may experience headaches, stomachaches, and other psychosomatic symptoms due to stress and anxiety.

Emotional Effects

Domestic violence can have profound emotional effects on teenagers, including feelings of fear, sadness, and anger.

Many teens who witness domestic violence struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness.

They may also develop symptoms of depression and anxiety, which can affect their academic performance and relationships with peers.

Behavioural Effects

Teenagers who are exposed to domestic violence may exhibit aggressive behaviour themselves, both at home and at school.

They may also engage in risky behaviours, such as substance abuse and self-harm, as a way to cope with their emotions.

Some teenagers may become withdrawn and isolated, avoiding social interactions and extracurricular activities.

Examples of the effect of domestic violence on teenagers:

1. Feelings of extreme guilt or self-blame

Teenagers may blame themselves for not stopping the violence, even though they lack the power to intervene effectively due to their age and dependency.

2. Flashbacks to episodes of domestic violence

Recurrent and intrusive memories of traumatic events can haunt teenagers, causing distress and anxiety even when the violence is not occurring.

3. Sleep disturbances

Nightmares and disrupted sleep patterns can lead to chronic fatigue and exacerbate emotional distress, impacting overall well-being and functioning.

4. Emotional numbing

To cope with overwhelming emotions, teenagers may disconnect from their feelings, leading to emotional numbness and detachment from their experiences.

5. Depression

Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness can significantly impair teenagers’ daily functioning and quality of life.

6. Substance abuse

Using drugs or alcohol as a form of self-medication can provide temporary relief from emotional pain but may lead to addiction and exacerbate existing mental health issues.

7. Challenges in forming healthy relationships

Difficulties in trusting others and fear of vulnerability can hinder teenagers’ ability to establish and maintain meaningful connections with peers.

8. Antisocial behavior

Engaging in behaviours that violate social norms or harm others can serve as a maladaptive coping mechanism to alleviate emotional distress and regain a sense of control.

9. Risk-taking behaviours

Reckless actions such as driving dangerously or experimenting with drugs may reflect teenagers’ desire to escape their current reality and seek excitement or distraction.

10. Self-destructive behaviors

Engaging in behaviours that harm oneself, such as self-mutilation or eating disorders, may provide temporary relief from emotional pain but can have serious long-term consequences.

11. Withdrawal and isolation

Withdrawing from social interactions and support systems can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and exacerbate mental health issues.

12. Suicidal thoughts

Feeling overwhelmed by despair and hopelessness, some teenagers may contemplate or attempt suicide as a means of escaping their pain.

13. Physical complaints with no medical basis

Somatic symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches may manifest as a result of emotional distress and trauma, even in the absence of physical injury or illness.

14. Difficulties in school

Emotional turmoil and preoccupation with domestic violence can impair concentration, leading to academic decline and refusal to attend classes.

Breaking the Cycle of domestic violence on teenagers

It’s essential to provide support and resources to teenagers who are affected by domestic violence. Encourage open communication and let them know that they are not alone. Offer access to counselling services and support groups where they can express their feelings in a safe and supportive environment.
Educate teenagers about healthy relationships and empower them to recognize the signs of abuse.
Encourage them to seek help if they or someone they know is experiencing domestic violence.

1. Validating feelings of guilt and self-blame

Acknowledge teenagers’ emotions while emphasizing that they are not responsible for the violence, helping to alleviate misplaced blame and guilt.

2. Open communication and active listening

Create a safe and non-judgmental space for teenagers to express their thoughts and feelings, fostering trust and promoting emotional healing.

3. Seeking professional help

Encourage teenagers to seek support from qualified professionals trained in trauma-informed care, facilitating access to therapy and counselling services.

4. Developing coping strategies

Help teenagers develop healthy coping mechanisms to manage stress and regulate their emotions effectively, empowering them to navigate challenging situations.

5. Accessing support services

Provide practical assistance in accessing community resources such as shelters, hotlines, and support groups, ensuring teenagers have the support they need to stay safe and heal.

6. Modeling healthy relationships

Demonstrate respectful communication and conflict resolution skills in your interactions with teenagers, serving as a positive role model for healthy relationship dynamics.

7. Encouraging positive activities

Support teenagers in engaging in activities that promote self-esteem and well-being, fostering a sense of accomplishment and resilience.

8. Ensuring safety

Collaborate with trusted adults and authorities to develop safety plans and create a secure environment free from violence, prioritizing teenagers’ safety and well-being.

9. Fostering supportive relationships

Encourage teenagers to build connections with peers and trusted adults who can provide emotional support and guidance throughout their healing journey.

10. Monitoring well-being

Stay vigilant for signs of distress or crisis, intervening promptly to provide support and reassurance as needed, and advocating for teenagers’ needs and rights.

By implementing these strategies, we can provide meaningful support and empower teenagers to heal and thrive despite the challenges posed by domestic violence.

Conclusion

Domestic violence has far-reaching consequences, especially for teenagers who are still developing physically, emotionally, and socially. By understanding the impact of domestic violence on teenagers and providing support and resources, we can help break the cycle of abuse and create a safer and healthier future for all. Let’s work together to end domestic violence and ensure that every teenager has the opportunity to thrive in a nurturing and violence-free environment.

Find a Shelter

Shelters can help you in many ways other than just welcoming you for a time. They can also contact you with multiple other institutions and resources that will help you stay safe. From resources, help groups, directing you to food banks and other government programs. Domestic violence shelters are here to help you.

At Stepping Stones Crisis Society, you can always find help if you are considering leaving an abusive household in Northern Alberta, particularly in the Cold Lake and Bonnyville areas. You can reach our helpline at 780-594-3353 or contact us at ou******@St*******************.ca. We offer an emergency residential shelter for women, with or without their children, and their family pets (dog or cat).

If you find this article useful or want to support our cause, please donate here. Every dollar counts and our clients will greatly appreciate it.

The post The Effect of Domestic Violence on Teenagers appeared first on Stepping Stones Crisis Society.

Domestic violence affects not just the people directly involved, but also the children who witness it. It is a well-known fact that children who have experienced domestic violence at home are affected in multiple ways. The presence of domestic violence on children’s lives can affect them all the way to adulthood.

The good news is that, when approached correctly, a single loving and non-violent adult can change those children’s lives for the better and start them on their way to healing. Today we delve into the effects of domestic violence on children and the best ways to approach kids who have presented it at home.

Understanding the Impact of Domestic Violence on Children

When children see or hear violence at home, it can hurt them in plenty of ways. They might feel scared, sad, or angry. Sometimes, they act out because they don’t know how else to express their feelings. This can make it hard for them to focus in school or get along with others. Even when the violence stops, the memories and feelings can stick around for a long time, affecting how they see themselves and the world.

Even if a child isn’t the direct target of abuse, or witnesses it directly, it still affects their mental health. Even if parents think they are keeping it away from the kids, they will still know (or feel) that something is happening and it will affect them in some way. 

Some of the most common effects of domestic violence on children are:

• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• Substance Abuse
• Depression
• Sleeping problems
• Nightmares
• Aggression
• Difficulty concentrating
• Intense anxiety

The impact of domestic violence on children is not just emotional; it can also have physical effects. Some children who witness violence at home may develop health problems like chronic illness or pain.

In Alberta, many children have to leave their homes because of domestic violence. Shelters are there to help them and their families. But sometimes, there’s not enough room for all the families who need help.

Last year, 8,020 children were unable to be sheltered because shelters did not have enough space to meet the level of demand. From these 2,955 children were unable to be sheltered because shelters did not have the resources to safely meet the needs of the adult survivors seeking shelter. 18% of adult survivors required additional childcare support. 17% of survivors answered yes to the question: Has your partner threatened to hurt the children? This is one of the three highest numbers recorded since ACWS members began gathering this information.

The Importance of Early Intervention for Children Exposed to Domestic Violence

The earlier we help children who have been through domestic violence, the better their chances of healing. That’s why it’s so important to reach out to them as soon as possible. By offering them support and care, we can help them understand their feelings and learn healthy ways to cope.

Imagine being a child who has seen scary things at home. You might feel confused or alone. But if someone comes along and says, “I’m here for you,” it can make all the difference. That’s why we need more people – like teachers, daycare workers, and coaches – who are trained to help kids who have been through tough times.

Early intervention is crucial because it can help prevent the long-term effects of domestic violence on children. When children receive support and care early on, they’re more likely to develop healthy coping skills and resilience. This can help them overcome the challenges they face and build brighter futures for themselves.

The Healing Power of Relationships for Children Affected by Domestic Violence

One of the most amazing things we’ve learned is that just one person who cares about a child can make a big difference. It could be a parent, a grandparent, or even a neighbour. As long as they’re kind and supportive, they can help a child feel safe and loved.

Think about a time when someone was there for you when you needed them. Maybe it was a friend who listened to you when you were upset or a teacher who encouraged you when you felt like giving up. That’s the kind of support every child deserves, especially when they’ve been through something as hard as domestic violence.

Building strong relationships with caring, non-violent adults can help children heal from the trauma of domestic violence. When children feel supported and loved, they’re better able to cope with their experiences and develop a sense of security and resilience. This can help them thrive despite the challenges they’ve faced.

There is a free course offered by the ACWS called “The Healing Brain: Supporting Children from Trauma to Resilience” that trains adults on how to support children who have seen domestic violence at home

Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence on Children and Building Resilience

We don’t want the pain of domestic violence on children to keep hurting them and their families for generations. That’s why it’s so important to break the cycle of violence. By offering support to children and families, we help them heal and build better lives for themselves.

But we can’t do it alone. We need everyone – parents, teachers, neighbours, and community leaders – to work together to end domestic violence on children. If we all do our part, we can create a world where every child feels safe, loved, and valued.

Preventing domestic violence on children requires a multifaceted approach that addresses the root causes of violence and supports those affected by it. This includes providing education and resources to families, supporting victims of violence, and holding perpetrators accountable for their actions. By working together, we can create communities where domestic violence is not tolerated and every child has the opportunity to grow up in a safe and loving environment.

Domestic violence on children is a big problem. By shining a light on the struggles of children who witness violence at home, we can help them heal and build brighter futures. Together, let’s break the cycle of hurt and build a world where every child feels safe, loved, and hopeful.

Find a Shelter

Shelters can help you in many ways other than just welcoming you for a time. They can also contact you with multiple other institutions and resources that will help you stay safe. From resources, help groups, directing you to food banks and other government programs. Domestic violence shelters are here to help you.

At Stepping Stones Crisis Society, you can always find help if you are considering leaving an abusive household in Northern Alberta, particularly in the Cold Lake and Bonnyville areas. You can reach our helpline at 780-594-3353 or contact us at ou******@St*******************.ca. We offer an emergency residential shelter for women, with or without their children, and their family pets (dog or cat).

If you find this article useful or want to support our cause, please donate here. Every dollar counts and our clients will greatly appreciate it.

The post Domestic Violence on Children: Breaking the Cycle of Abuse appeared first on Stepping Stones Crisis Society.

Substance abuse and domestic violence are two deeply connected problems that often feed off each other. This connection further develops the cycle of abuse within families.

Substance abuse and domestic violence go deeper than you might think. Not only is the abuser involved in substance abuse, but also the victim and even the children.

There are plenty of connections and surprising facts between these two factors, which is why this article aims to delve into the relationship between substance abuse and domestic violence, shedding light on how these behaviours impact both the abuser and the victim, as well as the innocent bystanders caught in the crossfire.

1. How Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence Affect the Abuser

Contrary to what some abusers might claim, alcohol or substance abuse does not cause violence, but it does exacerbate it. The violent or abusive behaviours are already inside that person, but when intoxicated, they can get much worse.

Substance abuse can lead to aggression and poor judgment. Alcohol and drugs alter brain chemistry, inhibiting impulse control and rational decision-making, which can escalate conflicts into acts of violence.

Moreover, substance abuse may serve as a coping mechanism for underlying issues such as trauma or mental health disorders, further fueling abusive behaviors. As a result, abusers may spiral into a cycle of substance abuse and violence, causing harm not only to their victims but also to themselves.

Alcohol use and domestic violence

Alcohol consumption is more closely associated with violent behaviour than any other substance. Severe alcohol intoxication, by the perpetrator, victim, or both, plays a part in nearly half of all violent crimes and sexual assaults.

However, it’s crucial to note that intoxication alone does not cause violence, but it may increase the likelihood of violent behaviour in some individuals.

50% of batterers are believed to have had addiction problems.

Several theories attempt to explain the relationship between alcohol use and violence:

The disinhibition hypothesis

Suggests that alcohol encourages people to engage in behaviours they would typically suppress, like aggression. This is because alcohol disrupts normal brain function and weakens the areas that control impulses and urges.

Alcohol myopia theory

Proposes that an intoxicated individual’s focus narrows, leading to misperception of situations. For example, a minor altercation may be perceived as a significant threat.

Cognitive function impairment

Alcohol makes it difficult to problem-solve, control anger, and make good decisions, all of which influence how an individual responds to a situation. Research also indicates that individuals who ignore future consequences and focus on the here and now are more aggressive when intoxicated.

Whatever the reasons, the presence of alcohol and other substances in the household makes abuse a more alarming problem.

2. How Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence Affect the Victim

Victims of domestic violence who are exposed to substance abuse within their households face increased risks and complications. Substance abuse can escalate the severity and frequency of abuse, as intoxication diminishes inhibitions and amplifies aggression in perpetrators.

Research shows that victims who abuse alcohol and other drugs are more likely to become victims of domestic violence.

At the same time, victims are more likely to receive prescriptions for other drugs such as tranquillizers, painkillers, and sedatives, and are more likely to abuse alcohol. So it becomes a vicious cycle.

When victims abuse substances, they are more likely to be unable to protect their children from a violent partner.

Victims may feel trapped in abusive relationships due to financial dependence, fear of retaliation, or emotional manipulation fueled by the abuser’s substance use.

The trauma inflicted by both physical and psychological abuse can have profound and lasting effects on victims, leading to issues such as PTSD, depression, and substance abuse by themselves as a coping mechanism.

A study conducted by the United States’ Department of Justice of murder in families found that more than half of defendants accused of murdering their spouses — as well as almost half of the victims — had been drinking alcohol at the time of the incident

3. How Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence Affect the Children

Children exposed to domestic violence and substance abuse within their homes suffer profound consequences that can ripple into adulthood.

Witnessing violence between caregivers can lead to emotional distress, behavioural problems, and developmental delays.

Growing up in an environment marked by substance abuse and violence can normalize these behaviours, perpetuating cycles of abuse across generations. Children may internalize feelings of guilt or responsibility for the abuse, further worsening their trauma and impeding their ability to form healthy relationships in the future.

• Childhood physical abuse is associated with later substance abuse by youth.
• About 40 percent of children from violent homes believe that their parents had a drinking problem and that they were more abusive when drinking.
• Teachers have reported a need for protective services three times more often for children who are being raised by someone with an addiction than for other children.

4. Find Help

The link between substance abuse and domestic violence highlights the urgent need for comprehensive intervention and support systems.

Addressing substance abuse and domestic violence is crucial for breaking the cycle of harm and promoting the safety of families.

Prevention efforts should focus on early intervention, access to substance abuse treatment, and holistic support services for both victims and perpetrators. By addressing the root causes of violence and addiction, we can create safer environments for all individuals affected by these interconnected issues.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or struggling with substance abuse, there are resources available to provide support and assistance. Reach out to local hotlines, shelters, or counselling services for immediate help and guidance. Remember, you are not alone, and some people care about your safety and well-being.

At Stepping Stones Crisis Society, you can always find help if you are considering leaving an abusive household in Northern Alberta, particularly in the Cold Lake and Bonnyville areas. You can reach our helpline at 780-594-3353 or contact us at ou******@St*******************.ca. We offer an emergency residential shelter for women, with or without their children, and their family pets (dog or cat). If you find yourself outside of this area, you can visit the Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters for more information on your local shelter.

If you find this article useful or want to support our cause, please donate here. Every dollar counts and our clients will greatly appreciate it.

In conclusion, the relationship between substance abuse and domestic violence is complex and multifaceted, with far-reaching consequences for individuals, families, and communities. By understanding the intersecting factors at play and taking proactive steps to address them, we can work towards creating a future free from violence and addiction.

The post Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence: Unraveling the Connection appeared first on Stepping Stones Crisis Society.

In today’s landscape, domestic violence and the workplace are intrinsically linked.

For most adults, work is the place where they spend most of their days other than their homes. Work is the main place where we interact with people and build new relationships. That’s why we should be aware of the prevalence of domestic violence and the fact that we likely know someone at work who is a victim of domestic violence.

Awareness, proactive measures, and a supportive culture are essential in fighting this issue.

Therefore, to be able to help people in the organization who are victims of domestic violence we need to understand the following points which will be explained further below:

• Raising Awareness.
• Your Role as an Employee.
• Making a Better Workplace.
• Identifying the Signs of Abuse.
• How to Help.
• Your Role as a Supervisor.
• A Comprehensive Approach.

Domestic Violence and the Workplace: Raising Awareness

People should be aware that this is a problem that happens everywhere and know what to do. Every year, an average of 12,000 women and children seek refuge in Alberta. Also, Alberta’s rates of domestic assault and spousal homicide-suicide are among the highest in Canada. By acknowledging the impact of domestic violence in the workplace, people and organizations can take steps toward creating a safer and more supportive environment for everyone.

Domestic Violence and The Workplace: Your Role as an Employee

At work, employees have a big say in how things are run. Some might think that what happens at home is nobody’s business at work, but studies show that a lot of people facing domestic violence deal with it at all times. This means everyone at work needs to be aware and ready to help out. If you notice signs that a coworker might be suffering from abuse, it’s important to step in and offer support without judging. Creating a friendly, understanding atmosphere can make a huge difference to those going through tough times.

Making a Better Workplace

As part of your role as an employee towards combating domestic violence in the workplace, creating a good work environment is the first step. A healthy workplace isn’t just about physical safety, it’s also about feeling good emotionally and being treated with respect.

Sometimes, harmful behaviours like spreading rumours or ignoring others can make work feel unpleasant. By being aware of these behaviours, everyone can help make sure work is a positive environment where everyone feels valued.

Companies can also set up training and rules to help deal with domestic violence and support those affected.

When the employees create a better work environment, it is much easier for victims to feel safe with their coworkers, making it easier for them to share their problems with someone they trust. This is the first step for victims to start looking for help.

Identifying Signs of Abuse

Recognizing signs that a coworker might be experiencing domestic violence isn’t easy, but it’s important for helping them get the help they need. Here are some signs to look out for:

• Bruises or injuries they blame on accidents.
• Wearing clothes that cover bruises even when it’s not weather-appropriate. (Turtleneck when it’s hot).
• Having trouble focusing at work.
• Missing work without explanation.
• Getting upsetting phone calls frequently.
• Acting sad, withdrawn, or tired all of a sudden.
• Being unusually scared or anxious.
• Dropping hints about problems at home, like their partner’s bad temper or drinking problems.
• Trying to control their spouse’s actions.

If you notice these signs, your coworker might be going through abuse. Work can be a safe place for them, so it’s important to offer help and resources in a way that respects their privacy.

How to Help

Supporting coworkers facing domestic violence means being caring and respectful while also being professional. Instead of telling them what to do, it’s important to listen and offer support. Research shows that leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous, so it’s best to offer help without pushing them to leave. Providing access to resources like helplines and counselling services can make a big difference.

Domestic Violence and The Workplace: The Role of Supervisors

Supervisors have an important job in dealing with domestic violence at work. They need to make sure the workplace is safe and provide support to affected employees. This includes arranging security and counselling services, checking if the employee can still do their job, and making sure they know about support options. Supervisors should create an atmosphere where employees feel valued and comfortable talking about their problems.

As a supervisor, your key areas of responsibility are:

• Ensure the workplace is safe.
• Coordinate security and human resource services and external supports.
• Assess the employee’s capacity to carry out job duties.
• Inform the employee of confidentiality, internal resources, community and domestic violence services.
• Support the employee in accessing necessary resources.
• Communicate with the employee about the importance of their health, safety and their value to the organization.
• Try to build the self-esteem of your employee.

Domestic Violence and The Workplace: A Comprehensive Approach

Using a tool to assess risk and provide support can help supervisors handle domestic violence cases effectively. This tool helps figure out how to keep the employee safe and what support they might need. By involving the victim and offering the right resources, workplaces can better help employees facing domestic violence.

Here is a simplified assessment tool to gauge an employee’s risk and potential responses regarding domestic violence. Please note that this tool is not a formal instrument.  We strongly advise reaching out to local law enforcement for guidance on specific situations.

It is essential for the domestic violence victim to actively participate in each of the following steps:

1. Immediate Safety:

– Question: Has your intimate partner recently made an explicit threat to harm you or others at work?
– Response: If Yes – Call the Police
If No – Proceed to Step 2.

2. General Safety:

– Questions:
– Has your partner ever threatened to harm you or others at work?
– Does your partner stalk you at work (i.e., watch the building from a vehicle, drop by unannounced)?
– Do you have a restraining order that lists this workplace?
– Response:
– If Yes – Refer to the Systematic Risk Assessment, Safety Planning and Screening.
– If No – Proceed to Step 3.

3. Work Considerations:

– Questions:
– Do you ever feel afraid of your partner showing up at work?
– Does the situation ever prevent you from getting to work?
– Response:
– If Yes – Refer to the Safety Measures Checklist in the Domestic Violence Toolkit.
– If No – Proceed to Step 4.

4. Resource Information:

– Question: Would you like information on resources available to you?
– Response:
– If Yes – Provide the following contact numbers: Alberta Women’s Shelters 1-866-331-3933, our helpline at 780-594-3353, or the 24-hour Family Violence Line 310-1818. Also, refer the employee to the Employee Assistance Program or any other supports your workplace offers.
– If No – Proceed to Step 5.

5. Support Reminder:

– If the employee is already receiving help, remind her that there is support available whenever needed.

Finding Shelter

In conclusion, domestic violence affects not just homes but also workplaces and communities. By raising awareness, creating supportive work environments, and helping those in need, organizations can make a real difference. Together, we can make workplaces where everyone feels safe, respected, and able to get help when they need it, which is a big step towards ending domestic violence.

At Stepping Stones Crisis Society, you can always find help if you are considering leaving an abusive household in Northern Alberta, particularly in the Cold Lake and Bonnyville areas. You can reach our helpline at 780-594-3353 or contact us at ou******@St*******************.ca. We offer an emergency residential shelter for women, with or without their children, and their family pets (dog or cat). If you find yourself outside of this area, you can visit the Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters for more information on your local shelter.

If you find this article useful or want to support our cause, please donate here. Every dollar counts and our clients will greatly appreciate it.

The post Domestic Violence and the Workplace: You Could Save Someone appeared first on Stepping Stones Crisis Society.

Four years after COVID started.

The Shadow Pandemic has been devastating for domestic violence in Alberta. As a proud member of the Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters, we want to share vital information made public by the ACWS regarding the continuing impact the pandemic had on Domestic Abuse in Alberta as a whole. From long-lasting impact on survivors to continued stress and high demand for shelters, COVID created a trend of increasing cases of domestic violence, isolation for the victims and 24/7 exposure to their abusers, as well as a decrease in the availability of other support services, which increased the demand for shelters in Alberta.

All of these effects are not only still ongoing, but they continue to grow over time, making this “Shadow Pandemic” of domestic abuse a matter that the public must be aware of.

The ACWS created a full report titled, “When Other Doors Were Closed, Ours Were Open” where they gathered information from shelters across Alberta and combined them with stories from shelter staff and survivors to paint the full picture of this Shadow Pandemic.

Here are some of the most important findings of the Shadow Pandemic report:

Calls for help and the number of survivors that shelters are unable to house are both at ten-year highs.

Shelters are currently facing unprecedented and simultaneous pressure points. Demand for assistance continues to surpass population growth. From 2012 to 2013, while the Alberta population grew by 16.9%, calls for help surged by 23.7%.

In the last three years alone, calls for help have escalated by 27.8% per capita. Beyond this surge in volume, shelters are grappling with ongoing repercussions of the pandemic, escalating inflation, staff exhaustion, record-high turnover rates, and stagnant funding, all of which have stretched their capacities beyond limits.

Since the last funding increase in 2015, inflation has surged by 25%. Shelters are now addressing 46% more calls for help than in 2015, yet with only three-quarters of the purchasing power.

85% of staff surveyed reported that economic abuse has increased since the pandemic began.

ACWS members report a significant increase in economic abuse during the pandemic. A survey of shelter staff revealed that 85% observed a rise in economic abuse since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, accompanied by increased levels of debt.

81% of staff surveyed reported that since the pandemic began, survivors have increasingly struggled to meet their basic needs, including paying for groceries, clothing, and medication.

These trends are particularly concerning as shelter staff also report that survivors are struggling to meet their basic needs, including groceries, clothing, and medical care. According to 81% of surveyed staff, since the pandemic began, the survivors they support have experienced increasing challenges in meeting these basic needs. Additionally, 80% reported that survivors are encountering greater difficulties in accessing affordable housing

65% of survivors surveyed in the last year are at severe or extreme risk of being killed.

The number of survivors surveyed by ACWS members who were at extreme risk of being killed by their current or former partner notably increased in the first year of the pandemic (2021–2022). This increase was observed across all shelter programs, including outreach programs and those for survivors staying in shelters. These numbers have remained persistently high since then and are showing signs of further escalation.

In 2021–2022, 56% of survivors surveyed experienced severe or extreme risk of being killed. By 2022–2023, this figure rose to 65%, marking one of the two highest numbers recorded in the past decade.

Over the past three years, there has been an increase in the number of survivors reporting threats from their partners involving lethal weapons, instances of strangulation, and coercion into sex. Additionally, a greater number of survivors are reporting an escalation in the frequency and severity of physical violence, along with expressing concerns that their partner or former partner is capable of killing them.

This data aligns with detailed staff reports indicating an uptick in extreme cases of violence observed in shelters.

76% of staff surveyed reported increases in stress caused by the pandemic. 72% of staff surveyed reported increases in burnout.

The ongoing aftermath of the pandemic is significantly impacting staff. Research conducted by ACWS in 2022 revealed that 76% of surveyed staff reported increased stress due to the pandemic. Additionally, 72% experienced heightened levels of burnout, and 51% reported a decrease in overall well-being.

Despite their dedicated efforts, shelter staff find themselves unable to keep up with the growing demands in their communities, a situation exacerbated by the pandemic. In 2022, 51% of surveyed staff noted an increase in workload since the pandemic began. Furthermore, 83% of shelters reported a need for additional staff to address the current demands.

These challenges have both contributed to and been exacerbated by high levels of staff turnover.

As of the writing of this report, the Government of Alberta has not increased domestic violence shelter funding since 2015–2016.

Amidst escalating needs in their communities and mounting stress on their workforce, domestic violence shelters are grappling with stagnant government funding and declining fundraising capabilities. Despite a sharp increase in inflation over the past three years, shelter funding has failed to keep pace. At the time of writing this report, the Government of Alberta has not augmented funding for domestic violence shelters since 2015–2016, despite the cost of living rising by nearly 25% during that period.

Shelters have also encountered challenges in fundraising, exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic and inflation. In 2021–2022, 45% of surveyed shelters reported a reduction in fundraising revenues by 25–50% due to the pandemic, with an additional 30% experiencing reductions exceeding 50%. As shelters increasingly rely on community donations, communities across Alberta are grappling with the escalating cost of living.

Domestic violence shelters are navigating a precarious funding situation that jeopardizes their ability to serve their communities and the survivors within them. They urgently require adequate, sustainable funding to sustain the invaluable work they perform.

How have victims and survivors been affected by the Shadow Pandemic?

Isolation.

Isolation stands out as one of the most prevalent abusive tactics. Abusers frequently exert control over a survivor’s actions, social interactions, communication, and movements.

Often, they isolate survivors from their extended support networks, which typically include their biological or chosen family, friends, and broader communities.

This network is typically the initial resource survivors seek when considering leaving an abusive relationship.

However, if this network has been strained or damaged by the abusive relationship, survivors may find themselves with fewer resources and support as they endeavour to escape their abuser and rebuild their lives.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, measures such as social distancing, cohorting, and self-isolation were widely implemented by governments and public health authorities to curb the spread of the virus. While effective in safeguarding more people against COVID-19, these measures inadvertently exacerbated the sense of isolation experienced by many survivors.

For those living with their abusers, social distancing requirements became yet another tool of abuse, making it challenging to seek help as abusers were nearly always present. Survivors had limited opportunities to find privacy to reach out for assistance safely.

Similarly, for survivors who had already left abusive relationships, social distancing requirements could evoke feelings of being trapped once again, akin to being back in the abusive relationship.

Control.

Control lies at the core of domestic abuse, often integrated into its definition. According to the United Nations, domestic abuse encompasses “a pattern of behaviour in any relationship that is used to maintain power and control over an intimate partner.”

Similarly, the Duluth Model emphasizes the significance of “power and control” in its Power and Control Wheel, recognizing domestic abuse as “characterized by the pattern of actions that an individual uses to intentionally control or dominate his intimate partner.”

Abusers employ various tactics, such as threats, intimidation, coercion, and isolation, to assert control over their partners and their partners’ lives, resulting in profound impacts on survivors.

While the health restrictions imposed by federal, provincial, and local governments aimed to safeguard lives and prevent healthcare systems from collapsing, many survivors we interviewed expressed experiencing these restrictions as a form of control reminiscent of their abusive relationships.

Survivors noted that, for those still in abusive relationships, pandemic restrictions provided abusers with additional means to exert control over their lives. These restrictions became yet another tool for abusers to manipulate and control their partners.

Lack of income support.

For numerous survivors, Income Support represents a vital lifeline as they endeavour to rebuild their lives following abusive relationships. This assistance is particularly significant for survivors who have endured economic abuse, as Income Support can play a pivotal role in their healing journeys.

For survivors residing in second-stage shelters, which offer extended stays ranging from six months to two years in their own apartments, receiving Income Support enables them to actively participate in the second-stage programming without the added concern of covering expenses such as rent, groceries, or other basic needs.

Lack of Child and Family Services.

Engaging with survivors reveals an extraordinary aspect: their remarkable commitment to their children. In every focus group we conducted, survivors expressed their profound passion, dedication, and care for their children. For many survivors, their children serve as the primary motivation for exiting abusive relationships and pursuing health and healing in their own lives. Every survivor we spoke with who had children was resolute in their determination to break the cycle of abuse, ensuring that their children would not endure what they themselves had experienced.

Lack of housing.

Survivors consistently cited lack of access to safe, affordable, and suitable housing as one of the most significant systemic barriers they encountered. Throughout Alberta, survivors expressed difficulties in finding housing within their communities. Some survivors described travelling between communities in search of housing, only to encounter failure in every place they visited. The three major obstacles to securing housing identified by survivors were: (1) a scarcity of affordable housing options in communities, (2) discrimination, and (3) unethical and/or illegal conduct by landlords.

For survivors reliant on Income Support or with low incomes, rental prices across the province often exceed their financial means. Indigenous survivors, those with disabilities, and survivors dependent on Income Support all reported facing discrimination from landlords. Many survivors recounted instances of unethical or illegal treatment by landlords, such as being asked for payment to view apartments or facing eviction due to medical conditions necessitating hospitalization. Survivors also detailed experiences of discrimination because of their stays in domestic violence shelters.

Lack of access to substance use and mental wellness supports.

Access to trauma-informed mental wellness support and resources to manage substance use is a vital component of the healing journey for many survivors. Research indicates that domestic abuse significantly affects survivors’ mental well-being and substance use. The emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse can be profound and enduring, often leading survivors to experience long-term challenges. Particularly for survivors lacking access to mental wellness support, substance use may serve as a coping mechanism to alleviate the negative effects of domestic abuse.

Support your local shelter.

In recognizing the profound challenges survivors of domestic abuse face, it’s clear they encounter numerous hurdles in their journey to rebuild their lives.

From the tactics of control and isolation to the systemic barriers to safe housing and support services, their path to healing is fraught with obstacles. Yet, amid these struggles, their resilience shines through, as they strive to break free and create brighter futures.

However, shelters across Alberta need support to continue providing vital assistance to survivors. Your donation can make a tangible difference, offering hope, empowerment, and resources to rebuild shattered lives.

By extending a helping hand, you can be a beacon of hope for survivors, providing the tools they need to reclaim their autonomy and embrace brighter futures.

Together, let’s stand in solidarity with survivors of domestic abuse, supporting shelters across Alberta as they provide the compassion, assistance, and resources survivors need on their journey toward healing and empowerment.

Your donation can transform lives, empowering survivors to overcome adversity and rebuild their futures. Donate here to support Stepping Stones Crisis Society or visit the Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters’ website here to support them or any other domestic violence shelter in Alberta.

The post The “Shadow Pandemic” Is Not Over appeared first on Stepping Stones Crisis Society.

Emotional abuse is one of the many ways in which abuse might manifest itself. As we have seen with all forms of abuse, gaining control over the victim’s life is the ultimate objective of the abuser.

As in many different forms of abuse, we tend to think of emotional abuse coming from an intimate partner. Although it is statistically the most common relationship in which we can find this form of abuse, emotional abuse can often be found in relationships of a different nature, such as parents, teachers, bosses, coworkers, classmates, and more. Be attentive to the behaviour patterns described in this article to be able to identify emotional abuse.

Depending on the particularities of each abuser, the tactics for dominating the victim vary. Emotional abuse is one of the many ways it can come up. This means that emotional abuse is often linked to other forms of abuse, such as physical and financial abuse, but can show up by itself.

What is emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse is a behaviour pattern in which the abuser seeks to control the victim by isolating, manipulating, intimidating, humiliating, or instilling fear.

There are plenty of ways of emotional abuse that we have divided into two main categories for ease of identification. Those are Verbal and Non-verbal abuse.

Always be aware that emotionally abusive relationships may also be physically abusive, or may eventually lead to physical abuse. The most common behaviour pattern is that physically abusive relationships are also emotionally abusive. However, every relationship is different and you might find some, or all of the behaviours stated in this article, on top of physical abuse.

Remember that if you find yourself in an abusive relationship, the best solution is to leave. However, it won’t be an easy step to take, especially if you have been in the relationship for some time, or if you have related more intimately with your abuser by living together, getting married, or having children or pets. You can read our previous articles on Leaving an Abusive Relationship: Planning a Safe Escape and Life after Abuse: What happens after leaving? for more information on what leaving an abusive relationship looks like.

The best time to leave an emotionally abusive relationship is early on. Identify the signs and get out of it as soon as you can.

Verbal emotional abuse

Verbal abuse refers to all kinds of abuse in which the attacker is hurting their victim by the use of their words. This means that when a form of abuse involves any other means, it becomes more than just verbal abuse. Some of the most common manifestations of verbal abuse are:

Regular criticism

When the abuser seeks to attack the victim’s self-esteem through the means of constant criticism. This may include constantly criticizing the way they look, speak, act, dress, move, or anything they do. It is aimed to make the victim feel unsure of themselves by questioning their self-value since someone close to them is constantly telling them that everything they do is wrong.

Ridiculing or teasing

This consists of constantly making fun of the victim in a vicious way that goes beyond what can be considered friendly teasing and becomes ridiculing. When done in public it can be especially aggravating for the victim.

Demeaning or shaming

The act of going against the victim’s dignity and sense of self-worth. To degrade or put down a person to make them feel like they are worth less than everyone else.

Humiliating

Extreme public shame or embarrassment. Abusers will often draw attention to the victim’s shortcomings or put them in shameful situations in public.

Threatening

The act of stating the intention to cause harm, injury, damage, retribution, or other harmful consequences to the victim. Threats can come as a way to condition the victim’s behaviour as in “If you don’t do X I will do X”.

Insulting

An expression or statement that looks to belittle, offend, or humiliate the target. Often deliberately and intentionally disrespectful or derogatory. Constant insults are a mark of an emotionally abusive relationship.

Gaslighting

A form of manipulation where the abuser seeks to make the victim question their perception of reality and of themselves. Gaslighting takes many shapes and abusers have different tactics to make their victims doubt their sense of reality. Victims of gaslighting are given false information systematically until they start losing their sense of reality. This makes them doubt their memory, causing paranoia, and eventually making them believe that they are not capable of handling themselves, ceding control to the abuser. You can read more about gaslighting in our previous article What is Gaslighting: Understanding Manipulation and Abuse.

Non-verbal emotional abuse

The most common pattern is that we find both verbal and non-verbal forms of emotional abuse in relationships. However, non-verbal abuse is often found in emotionally abusive relationships where the abuser is savvy and avoids doing some of the previously defined behaviours. The difference is that with non-verbal abuse, the offender will use different tactics to establish themselves in control of their victim in ways that don’t include using their words to attack them. Some forms of non-verbal abuse are:

Controlling and manipulating

The abuser will establish different methods of control interwoven throughout the victim’s life. These can include financial control, controlling the vehicle or ways of transportation, controlling communication ways such as phones and computers, installing video surveillance, surrounding the victim with other people under the abuser’s control (chaperones) who inform the abuser or are a substitute for the abuser in their absence, and many more.

Extreme jealousy

Extreme jealousy on the abuser’s behalf will lead the victim into cutting relationships for fear of retaliation. The abuser will feel jealous of anyone having a relationship with the victim, which will lead to our next point.

Isolation

Abusers will look to make the victim cut loose any external sources of help, becoming completely dependent on their abuser. By isolating the victim, the abuser will gain control over their lives and make the victim feel alone and helpless. This leads to a vicious cycle of them leaning more on their abuser and their abuser taking control of them.

Conditioning

When the abuser conditions the victim’s behaviours with an action-reaction dynamic, incentivizing the actions they want and disincentivizing the actions they don’t. This makes the victim lose their sense of identity and makes them question their decision-making, thus making them lean more on their abuser.

Healing from emotional abuse

Individuals who have experienced emotional abuse often find themselves mentally exhausted, making it difficult to recognize the unhealthy dynamics. They tend to internalize blame for the relationship’s problems and may spend considerable time contemplating adapting their behaviour or avoiding confrontations. Additionally, survivors may grapple with issues related to self-esteem, as well as feelings of anxiety and depression.

Leaving an abusive relationship presents significant challenges, but it is entirely feasible. Survivors must realize that attempting to reason with the abuser is typically ineffective, and the likelihood of them changing is minimal. To initiate the healing process, experts advise seeking support from friends, family, a therapist, or local shelter.

If you want to heal from an abusive relationship, you can call our helpline at 780-594-3353.

Finding Shelter

At Stepping Stones Crisis Society, you can always find help if you are considering leaving an abusive household in Northern Alberta, particularly in the Cold Lake and Bonnyville areas. You can reach our helpline at 780-594-3353 or contact us at ou******@St*******************.ca. We offer an emergency residential shelter for women, with or without their children, and their family pets (dog or cat). If you find yourself outside of this area, you can visit the Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters for more information on your local shelter.

If you find this article useful or want to support our cause, please donate here. Every dollar counts and our clients will greatly appreciate it.

The post Are you a victim of Emotional Abuse? appeared first on Stepping Stones Crisis Society.

Life after abuse varies significantly from person to person. It’s a common misconception that everything is fine after leaving an abusive relationship. Although things improve, it’s usually an extremely challenging time for survivors. From recovering from the psychological effects that abuse leaves on victims to adapting to a completely different life, recovering from abuse is a long journey that is best started sooner rather than later.

If you’ve ever wondered what life after abuse looks like or are considering leaving an abusive relationship, this article will help you understand what it’s like to be a survivor of abuse and either help someone who is going through it or better prepare yourself.

Starting a new life after abuse.

After deciding to leave an abusive relationship and find a safe way to leave with their children and pets, some survivors have to move to a different city or country due to safety reasons, which means starting all over again.

After solving the biggest issues such as finding a new place to live, a school for the children, getting a new vehicle, and a new job, many survivors declare that it is the smaller things that make it very difficult to start anew. Not finding the same products in the supermarket, or not having access to the same services, makes them feel shaken to their core because it is sometimes those smaller things that keep us together when things are hard. Not having some of the everyday comforts that make us feel grounded can make it feel like everything is even worse than it is. When you add that you are going through the biggest breakup of your life or a divorce, it makes for one of the most difficult times a person can go through.

However, being out of the abuse and slowly building new positive relationships starts making things feel better until the survivors find themselves living a significantly better life than the one they had previously.

Recovering from financial abuse.

Depending on how their situations are resolved, victims who were financially abused have to recover from deeply impactful blows to their finances. Many survivors of life after abuse have to declare bankruptcy after being financially abused, which is a mark that will follow them for life. Others have to pay debts for years on end, which makes starting a new life even harder. Some others won’t pay back the accrued debt and live with an unusable credit score, making it much harder to get a new car, and nearly impossible to get a new house.

The depth to which financial abuse impacts its victims has lingering effects that can last years or even their lifetimes, and that is why it is one of the worst forms of abuse someone can go through and one of the toughest ones to recover from.

The luckiest and better-supported survivors of financial abuse are able to win lawsuits against their abusers, which will erase most of their debt and the derogatory marks on their credit, although this is a long and costly process, which is why many don’t even start it.

The lingering effects.

Living in an abusive relationship for an extended period leaves physical and psychological effects on the survivors, which they have to slowly overcome by themselves and with the support of their loved ones. The immediate psychological effect that abuse leaves on the victim is an enormous feeling of shame caused by multiple factors of life in an abusive relationship. Survivors feel shame for the mistreatment and demeaning they suffered from their abuser, they feel shame for letting their children or pets be affected by it, they feel shame for leaving, they feel shame for staying too long, they feel shame for what other people tell them because outwardly their partner seemed pleasant.

Apart from shame, here are some other psychological consequences that abuse may leave on their victims.

• Anxiety – Experiencing feelings of unease or worry.
• Sleep disturbances – Having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep.
• Hypersensitivity to fear – Being easily startled or feeling frightened.
• Triggers evoking memories of abuse – Being reminded of past trauma by certain cues.
• Challenges in interpersonal connections – Struggling to maintain healthy relationships.
• Emotional detachment – Feeling numb or disconnected from one’s emotions.

Getting professional help will be key to overcoming all of these psychological scars left in life after abuse and will eventually lead to a better life free of shame and lingering effects.

Love life after abuse.

Recovering your love life after leaving an abusive relationship is one of the hardest challenges, as it often harbours a significant amount of trauma. Behaviors of new partners might trigger old memories or evoke similar feelings. Some victims decide not to pursue a love life at all after surviving abuse due to the stress it causes them to even be in a romantic setting with someone else.

However, restarting a love life is possible and can be one of the best ways to heal, as a healthy relationship can help you understand that your abuser was the problem all along and that you were never at fault.

Taking things slowly, being gentle with yourself, practicing safe dating, and trusting your instincts are some of the things you have to do to start dating again in a safe manner. You can read more on dating after abuse here.

Things get better.

The good news after all of this is that getting out of an abusive relationship is always the best decision, no matter how hard the process is. A new happier life awaits you. While it may be challenging, now is the time to prioritize your happiness and well-being, as well as your children’s. You are not responsible for what happened, and you deserve to feel joy and safety. What you experienced does not define you.

Healing is a journey, and along the way, you will rediscover your strength, resilience, and unique qualities. There will be ups and downs, but with each day free from abuse, you reclaim a part of yourself. Gradually, these pieces will come together to form a stronger whole.

If you are still in an abusive relationship.

You can read our blog post Leaving an Abusive Relationship: Planning a Safe Escape to identify the best ways of leaving an abusive relationship. Life after abuse is not easy. Look for your nearest women’s shelter and contact them. They can help you in many ways other than just sheltering you, they can also contact you with multiple other institutions and resources that will help you stay safe. From resources, help groups, directing you to food banks and other government programs. Domestic violence shelters are here to help you.

At Stepping Stones Crisis Society, you can always find help if you are considering leaving an abusive household in Northern Alberta, particularly in the Cold Lake and Bonnyville areas. You can reach our helpline at 780-594-3353 or contact us at ou******@St*******************.ca. We offer an emergency residential shelter for women, with or without their children, and their family pets (dog or cat).

If you find this article useful or want to support our cause, please donate here. Every dollar counts and our clients will greatly appreciate it.

The post Life after abuse: What happens after leaving? appeared first on Stepping Stones Crisis Society.

“Why don’t you leave?” may be the most heard phrase by victims of abuse, however, there are plenty of reasons why survivors stay in abusive relationships, and leaving one is often much harder than it would appear to someone outside of the relationship. If you know someone who is currently living through an abusive relationship, your role should be that of a listener and supporter, always trying to understand them, and never judging.

For you to understand them better, here are some of the main reasons why people stay in abusive relationships. And if you read to the end of this article, you will also find ways in which you can help them.

Back in 2016, DomesticShelters.org conducted a survey where they asked 2,019 survivors about the main barriers to leaving an abusive relationship, with many of their results being related to fear and threats coming from their abuser. However, many more reasons were disclosed, with most of them being very evenly distributed, which means that there is no one single reason why survivors stay in abusive relationships, but many, and probably, a lot of them weighing on the victim at the same time. Below, we will delve into all of these topics in-depth, as well as some that are not included in this graph

Fear and Threats

Perpetrators often employ intimidation tactics to coerce survivors into staying, often issuing threats like, “If you leave me, [insert terrifying consequence here].” Survivors frequently state threats and fear of reprisal from the abuser as primary reasons for their inability to leave. Instances of escalated violence, such as harm inflicted on family pets or the acquisition of weapons by the abuser, serve to demonstrate their capacity for heightened aggression. Moreover, survivors may face threats of harm directed towards themselves, their family members, or even the abuser themselves, compelling them to return out of a potent mixture of fear and guilt.

Gaslighting and Manipulation

Gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation, entails the abuser downplaying the severity of their actions, often leading the survivor to doubt their own recollection of events. Consequently, the survivor may begin to question the true extent of the danger they face, even as external observers, such as friends and family, recognize it. The abuser may further exacerbate this by shifting blame onto the survivor, insinuating that modifying their behaviour or complying better would cease the abuse. You can read our blog post on gaslighting here to understand more about this topic.

Psychological manipulation, similar to gaslighting, aims to disorient the survivor to the point where they relinquish their ability to think independently. The survivor becomes dependent on the abuser for guidance and decision-making, often due to tactics such as sleep deprivation, information control, covert drugging, and decision-making restrictions. It is an important reason why survivors stay in abusive relationships.

Financial Coercion

Financial manipulation is a prevalent tactic employed by abusers to maintain control within the relationship. This may involve restricting access to finances, imposing strict spending limits, monitoring expenditures closely, sabotaging the survivor’s credit, or overspending to render them economically vulnerable. Without the financial autonomy necessary to secure alternative accommodation, purchase necessities, or arrange childcare to facilitate employment, survivors often find themselves ensnared in a cycle of dependency.

Concerns for Dependents and Pets

The welfare of dependents, including pets, is one of the major reasons why survivors stay in abusive relationships. Survivors may hesitate to leave if they fear for the safety of their children or animals in their absence. Fortunately, organizations exist to provide temporary shelter for animals while survivors secure alternative accommodation. Abusers also employ threats of custody battles to dissuade survivors from leaving, instilling fear that they will lose custody of their children. Such threats may involve baseless accusations of abuse leveled against the survivor to manipulate custody proceedings. Seeking guidance from advocates and legal professionals specializing in domestic violence cases is crucial for navigating these complex legal issues.

Nowhere to go

Victims will often seek a place to go after leaving their abusive home without success. Most often they will find help from friends or family, or even domestic violence shelters, however, the lack of help from others or high demand for refuge often results in domestic violence shelters operating at full capacity, which can be an obstacle. And so, survivors may discover that despite their readiness to leave, local shelters are unable to accommodate them.

Shame or Guilt

Many survivors grapple with feelings of shame or guilt, erroneously attributing fault to themselves for allowing the abuse to persist. They may blame themselves for not recognizing the warning signs sooner or for returning to the abuser. Coupled with a societal tendency towards victim-blaming, shame can trap survivors in cycles of abuse.

Mistrust in Legal Systems

Survivors who have had negative interactions with law enforcement in the past may not want to seek assistance again. The abuser’s claims that the survivor will not be believed or that they can manipulate the legal system to incriminate the survivor worsen their unwillingness to seek help.

Love or Emotional Attachment

A common reason why survivors stay in abusive relationships. Emotional attachment, often termed trauma-bonding, can attach survivors to their abusers. Abusers frequently target empathetic individuals, initially presenting themselves as charming and engaging. This phase, known as love-bombing, precedes attempts to rationalize abuse, shifting blame onto external factors such as a difficult childhood or substance abuse. Promises of change and the desire to save the positive aspects of the relationship compound the survivor’s belief that they can help them change.

Other times, there is real love behind the abusive relationship, often born out of having a history together, children, and possibly a time when there was no abuse in the relationship. However, this does not mean that they should stay in the relationship, but is a common reason why they do.

Special Needs, Mental Illness or Elderly

Survivors with special needs, chronic illnesses, mental illness, or advanced age are some of the main reasons why survivors stay in abusive relationships. Dependency on the abuser for care, combined with societal misconceptions regarding their autonomy and desirability, can impede their ability to seek help and break free from abuse. You can read more on elder abuse here.

Gender Stereotypes

Survivors of all gender identities may encounter stigma and disbelief when disclosing abuse, with men often fearing emasculation for not conforming to traditional notions of masculinity, and nonbinary individuals marginalized within discussions of domestic violence. Overcoming these societal biases is essential for fostering inclusive support networks for all survivors.

How can you help them?

One of the most crucial ways to support a survivor of domestic violence is by validating their experience when they disclose abuse. Often, the abuser has manipulated them into believing that no one will believe their story, which can prevent them from seeking help. Now that you know why survivors stay in abusive relationships, simply stating, “I believe you,” can significantly alter their perspective and provide essential validation.

Here are a few additional steps you can take if you suspect someone is a victim of domestic violence:

Step #1: Assist them in recognizing the abusive nature of their relationship.

Share resources such as our helpline, which offers 24/7 assistance to women seeking help in Northern Alberta, or the blog section on this website, which offers plenty of articles covering various aspects of abuse. Ensure safety by only sharing information if you’re confident their devices aren’t being monitored.

Step #2: Reassure the survivor that they are not to blame for the abuse.

Emphasize that it is never their fault and they do not deserve such treatment.

Step #3: Remind them that they are not alone in their experience.

Statistics show that a significant portion of individuals endure coercive control by an intimate partner, with millions experiencing physical assault annually.

Should You Involve the Police?

If the survivor’s life is at immediate risk, dial 911 without hesitation. However, in cases where you suspect abuse but haven’t witnessed it firsthand, or if it’s not currently occurring, a general call to the police might not yield an immediate response. Even worse, it could potentially escalate the danger or isolate the victim further. Instead, reach out to a domestic violence hotline and consult with an advocate about your concerns. They can assist you in developing safe and effective strategies to support the individual experiencing abuse.

Find Shelter in Northern Alberta

At Stepping Stones Crisis Society, you can always find help if you are considering leaving an abusive household in Northern Alberta, particularly in the Cold Lake and Bonnyville areas. You can reach our helpline at 780-594-3353 or contact us at ou******@St*******************.ca. We offer an emergency residential shelter for women, with or without their children, and their family pets (dog or cat).

If you find this article useful or want to support our cause, please donate here. Every dollar counts and our clients will greatly appreciate it.

The post Why survivors stay in abusive relationships (and how to help them) appeared first on Stepping Stones Crisis Society.